Reality TV

This week on The Celebrity Apprentice, the teams have to write, direct and produce a 10-minute spot for QVC, a home shopping television network.  I’ve been thinking about what I would do if I was project manager.  Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Piers Morgan:  Okay, everybody, you’re going to want to have your phones nearby and your dialling finger all warmed up for our next product.  I can honestly tell you that we’ve never had anything on QVC quite like this before, and you’re going to love what we have under this sheet!

Carol Alt:  Wow, Piers, that’s quite an endorsement!  I can’t wait to see what this could possibly be!

PM:  Well, wait no longer, Carol!  Ta-daaa!  (unveils product)

CA:  OH, WOW!!!!  IT’S…..it’s a camping kit?

PM:  Not just ANY camping kit, Carol.  It’s the Omarosa Camping Kit!

CA:  So I guess the manufacturer couldn’t get a CELEBRITY endorsement, huh?

PM:  That may be true, Carol, but this is still an incredibly honest product.

CA:  An honest product, Piers?

PM:  More honest than a beseball player at a Congressional hearing!  Let’s look and see what we have here.  Why, it’s a knife!  A vital piece of equipment for every camper!

CA:  That’s great, Piers, but what’s with that bottle of Grey Poupon?

PM:  It’s just to demonstrate how well the knife works.  Will you do the honours, Carol?

CA:  It’s not working at all, Piers!

PM:  Exactly!  The Omarosa can’t cut the mustard!  What else do we have here, Carol?

CA:  Well, there’s a tent here.  Shall we put it up for the nice folks at home?

PM:  You can try, but it won’t work, Carol.  It’s missing all the stakes!

CA:  So you could say that the Omarosa doesn’t have a leg to stand on!

PM:  Good one, Carol!  What else do we have here?

CA:  It looks like an inflatable raft.  That’s funny….

PM:  What’s funny, Carol?

CA:  Don’t inflatable rafts like to be docked around (snicker, snicker) PIERS?

PM:  Look, Carol.  I’ve fired Omarosa before, and you could be next.  Can you tell the fine folks at home what makes the Omarosa raft so special?

CA:  There are no oars!  Why, you ask?  with the Omarosa inflatable raft, you’re always up a creek without a paddle.

PM:  Before we open the phone lines so you can buy your very own Omarosa Camping Kit, there’s one more very special bonus item we’re including at no extra cost.  Safety is paramount when you’re in the great outdoors, so we’ve included the Omarosa Flare Gun at no extra charge.  I love this product most of all, Carol.  Can you describe it to the nice folks at home?

CA:  Well, Piers, it looks pretty ordinary.  However, The Omarosa Flare Gun doesn’t include any flares, and the barrel is quite warm.  Strange….it’s as if it’s been recently fired.  Aaahaaaaa…….

PM:  There you have it, folks, the Omarosa Camping Kit, the most honest product you’ll ever buy.  How much would you pay for something like this?  I’m not sure, but I DO know that I would get more money from you than anyone else on The Celebrity Apprentice.  Don’t delay!  Call 1-800-UR-FIRED to order yours today!

Stay tuned later in the week for a recap of this Thurday’s episode!  Enjoy!