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Big Brother 9 Power Rankings–The Magnificent 7 March 30, 2008

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The number 7.  It’s the number of deadly sins, and I’m sure the people in the Big Brother house have broken at least 5 of them.  It’s the number of planets in the Solar System.  Wait a minute–it isn’t?  That’s the last time I get Natalie to fact check one of my posts!  It’s the number of Snow White’s dwarves.  I’ll admit I get grumpy when the Big Brother houseguests get dopey.  It’s also a winning number at the craps table.  Alas, one of the people in the house will be rolling snake eyes on Wednesday night.  Who will it be?  This week’s power rankings may give you an idea.

  1. Ryan–Ryan would make a great spokesman for frying pans, because it seems that he himself is made of teflon.  He can take $10K from Sheila, back-stab James and his alliance and have a secret relationship with Jen exposed….and still be well liked.  He has lots of friends, including Joshuah.  I don’t see him going anywhere soon.
  2. Natalie–It looks like Matt was a distraction to her.  Ever since he was evicted, she’s concentrated on the game and has become a strong player (not to mention Head of Household).  It’s like Chelsia said–you have to play with your brain, not your heart.  Natalie is looking like a contender.
  3. Adam–He’s a likeable guy, sure.  I get the feeling that Adam is smarter than people think.  He comes across as being a safe, goofy, happy-go-lucky person, but he was the one that almost saved Matt a couple of weeks ago.  It’s just a hunch, but I think his game has another gear.
  4. Sheila–She’s in the right alliance, so why is she as low as number four?  At some point you have to win a challenge to come out on top of almost any reality TV show.  Sheila is to challenges what Norbit was to the Oscar race.
  5. Joshuah–I think he’ll be safe for this week, but his alliance is crumbling.  That automatically puts him in a bit of a jam.  He is a strong player, however, and he does have that secret friendship with Ryan.  He’s down for now, but he’s smart enough to pull himself back up.
  6. Sharon–She’s a smart player, and outside of her creepy guinea pig obsession I like her.  She’s simply on the wrong side of the numbers game. 
  7. James–He’s a lock to be put on the block this week and I would be shocked if he didn’t get evicted (again) on Wednesday.  I think the POV competition is his only real hope.

I hope you tune in again later in the week for another round of previews and recaps!  Enjoy the week!

Piers Morgan, your Celebrity Apprentice. March 28, 2008

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At one point during last night’s finale, Piers shook Trace’s hand and said “May the best man win, and may both of our charities make a lot of money”.  I think Piers was right on both counts.

The highlight of the charity auction to me was Trace participating in the Backstreet Boys scavenger hunt.  Yes, Piers had a controversial strategy to get the guests as drunk as possible as quickly as possible, but that can’t compete with a 6′7″ self-described very heterosexual cowboy scrambling for a knee brace, black nail polish and wheatgrass juice..”for a man”.  He didn’t ever find the wheatgrass juice, but 2 out of 3 isn’t bad.  If you haven’t had a chance to hear Trace comment on his scavenger hunt, you’ve got to hear it.  I can’t really do it justice, but trust me–it’s funny stuff.

Piers and Trace both did as they predicted.  Piers easily won the money portion of the competition thanks to his rich contacts.  He raised about $414,000 on the night to Trace’s $76,000.  However, when you consider that $300,000 of Piers’ donations came from 2 rich contacts, the numbers are much closer.  Trace easily won the ticket sales and looked to have won on presentation/entertainment, making this task as a whole a lot closer than the final dollars would have you believe.

From the charity auction it was on to the boardroom, where the fired contestants returned and the Celebrity Apprentice would be named.  Frankly I was a little disappointed by this segment–I was really hoping that they would give the fired contestants more a chance to verbally spar with Piers and Trace, sort of like the jury does on Survivor. 

The highlight for me was Carol telling Donald that she deserved a spot in the final two.  I think she has a really strong case, so that was good for me to hear.  The lowlight was Omarosa, who had weeks to think of a clever insult for Piers for the finale.  What does she come up with?  She doesn’t like him because he doesn’t floss his teeth.  That thud you hear is her joke flopping.  Is that the best she could do???  Gene Simmons waving hello from Tokyo was funnier than you were.  I know I’ve said Omarosa should find a new line of work if she can’t win “her” game against a group of celebrities.  I now know that job is not to write for David Letterman.     

I was also surprised that the winner was announced right at the end of the night.  I would have liked to get some reaction from Piers, Trace and the others about Trump’s decision.  It’s almost like Trump was late for a date.  He just blurted out “Piers, you’re the Celebrity Apprentice” and then abruptly ended the show.  It was a tad disappointing for me.

Let me say before I continue that I love Trace Adkins.  I hope he raises tons of money for his charity, that his daughter gets better and that he has 100 more #1 singles in a career longer than his hair.  Bottom line, though, is that Trump made the right call for this game.  As Piers said, this is not a nice guy competition–it’s a business and fund raising competition.  Nobody did it better than Piers.  He could have played better with others, but what did he do that was so evil?  He played hard and ruthless, but didn’t step over the line.  His team won 9 times out of 11 and he raised more money for his charity than the rest of the contestants combined.  This was a slam dunk.  As he said–The best man won and both charities made a lot of money.

So, that’s The Celebrity Apprentice.  I was quite surprised how much I enjoyed it, to be honest, and I can’t wait to write about The Celebrity Apprentice 2.  I hope you’ll be reading!

Big Brother 9 review–Chelsia is Frank Grimes March 27, 2008

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There’s a classic Simpsons episode in which Homer gets an enemy in the form of new co-worker Frank Grimes.  Frank, or “Grimey” as his friends call him, looks to be quite sane at the beginning, but totally loses it when Homer constantly gets the better of him.  He goes nuts and eventually dies at the end of the episode.  Frank Grimes, meet Chelsia from Big Brother 9.

After weeks of seeming like a smart, fairly classy player Chelsia started to lose it when Adam put both her and James on the block on Sunday night.  I guess you can either laugh or cry, and they chose the former.  James and Chelsia reacted by celebrating in front of everyone, which is kind of like Barry Bonds celebrating having to take a drug test.

The funny thing is that Chelsia celebrated her eviction as much as she did her trip to Vegas.  She was one of the four who got to watch the advance screening of the movie 21.  On top of that, her tub of popcorn had a golden ticket inside, meaning that she won the trip to Vegas that Ryan tried to win playing blackjack last week.  Chelsia said that she loved Vegas, which makes sense.  Why wouldn’t a psychotic, vindictive soul like the city where CSI is set?

The POV competition defined “worst case scenario” for Adam and his alliance.  First, the only two people who weren’t picked to compete were Ryan and Natalie, their alliance’s best hope of winning the POV and keeping James on the block.  Evel Dick showed up in the wee hours of the morning to wake everyone up for the challenge.  Sheila gave him a very warm welcome–I guess she finally has the bad boy in the house she was waiting for. 

The contestants drank as many of the 10 nastiest concoctions that Dick’s fertile imagination could muster.  They then played a game of what I call croquet on steroids, where they each got 1 shot for every drink they finished.  The worst case scenario continued for Adam and crew, with James finishing all 10 drinks and winning POV.

The surprising thing about the POV ceremony is not that Sharon was put up on the block in place of James, but that Joshuah talked her into actually volunteering to do it!  Say what you will about him, that’s impressive.  He kind of reminds me of the serpent that got Eve to eat the forbidden fruit.  Eve got kicked out of the Garden of Eden.  Will Sharon get kicked out of the house?

Not that Sharon had a thing to worry about.  Everyone knew Chelsia was toast, including Chelsia herself.  Just like Frank Grimes at the end of The Simpsons, Chelsia lost it.  She said she was going to go out ”with a bang”.  So what did she do?  After verbally attacking Natalie with all the grace and maturity of a 6-year-old, she….dare I say it?…..destroyed all of her Easter eggs!  Ooooooh…really extreme, Chelsia!  What’s next, tough girl?  A polar bear swim in Tahiti?

Frank Grimes snapped and died at the end of The Simpsons.  Chelsia snapped and was evicted at the end of Big Brother 9 last night.  Just how vindictive, insane and immature was she this week?  James voted her out, which is like Bill Clinton voting for Barack Obama.  After a few more nasty parting shots, she was gone.  When Sheila calls you a gossip monger, you know something’s wrong with you. 

Natalie then won Head of Household, which means trouble for James and possibly the end of Joshuah’s “I’ve never been nominated for eviction” streak.  How will things play out?  Tune in next week for another round of power rankings, previews and recaps!  Enjoy!

Celebrity Apprentice Preview and Power Rankings March 27, 2008

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A power rankings post with only 2 people remaining would be shorter than Emmanuel Lewis’ career, so I thought this week that I would combine the power rankings and the preview.  On Thursday, The Donald (what kind of nickname is that, anyway?  Can you imagine if A-Rod’s nickname was The Alex?) decides who will become the first Celebrity Apprentice.  Here’s how I rank the two competitors going in, with three reasons as to why each of them could win. 

1.  Piers

1.        Piers = Ratings.  How interested would you be in this show if it wasn’t for Piers?  I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again-a good reality TV show needs a good villain.  Piers has not only been great in the game, but he’s been great for ratings.  Trump, recognizing the bottom line more than anyone else, may reward Piers for being Piers and making the show a success for Trump.

2.        Piers has 2 project manager wins, Trace has none.  Many times, before Trump fires someone, he says that at the end of the day they just didn’t get the job done.  Piers has consistently done so, while Trace is 0-2 as project manager.  You have to be a good general to win this game, not just a good soldier.  So far, Piers is the better general.

3.        Piers reminds Trump of Trump.  In the final four boardroom, I got the sense that Piers was about to be fired.  Then he said that his flaws, being too ruthless and cold toward others, were similar to traits that Trump possesses.  I think Trump sees a little bit of himself in Piers.  I think it was a factor in the final four firings, and it may be a factor on Thursday night.

2.  Trace

1.        Trace did it without a rich list of contacts.  While Piers did well in raising lots of money, not everyone knows Richard Branson, Sarah Ferguson and every wealthy Brit on the planet.  Trace did it himself, with creativity, savvy and charm.  I don’t know if Piers could have equalled Trace’s performance without his little black book.

2.        Jim Cramer and Erin Burnett chose him, not Piers, for the final 2.  After the interviews last week, both experts told Trump that they loved Trace and would definitely fire Piers.  If Trace aces the last task, and Trump truly values the interviewers’ opinions, it could be advantage: Trace. 

3.        Trace has great people skills.  I’m not saying that this would make or break Trace, but if Trump sees this contest as a dead heat this may be the tiebreaker.  One mark of a great business leader is good people skills.  People want to work with Trace and for him.  He didn’t win his 2 tasks as project manager, but his team happily busted their tails, because they want him to win.  Even Stephen Baldwin, working with Piers on the final task, wants Trace to win.  Piers is great TV, but he may have conflicted with too many people to be considered a good leader.

Who will win the final task?  Who will be the first Celebrity Apprentice?  My wife says Trace, and she’s right more often than she’s wrong.  Will she make my power rankings look silly one more time?  Tune in Friday for a recap of this week’s finale!  Enjoy!

Survivor Micronesia preview–Dropping like flies! March 26, 2008

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What is going on with this show?  Fairplay fell on his sword in week one agonizing over his pregnant girlfriend.  Chet did the same thing a few weeks later, complaining that his heel was too sore for him to go on.  Jonathan reluctantly left the game because he fell on a stick and almost lost his leg.  Kathy then got a case of Ostenoperosis and quit.  Now we see in the previews for next week that Erik may or may not have taken himself out of the game because of an injury.  I long for the good old days, when Survivor contestants left the show kicking and screaming after being voted out.  At this rate, the show will be over by the end of March and the winner will be the last one to quit, injure themselves or miss their family.  I wonder how the remaining contestants will end their game….

Natalie–I don’t even have to think about how Natalie’s game will end.  The fact that I have her in the office pool is a sure kiss of death.

Alexis–Airai will win a reward and, forgetting that Alexis is even in their tribe, go without her.  This will hurt poor Alexis’ feelings and cause her to quit.

Ozzy–He’ll be disqualified after footage of him spear fishing shows he actually has gills and a dorsal fin. 

Amanda–After going into that cave with Ozzy one too many times, she’ll be forced by doctors to leave the game and go on immediate maternity leave.

Cirie–She will quit in a quest to get away from the constant sounds of jungle love she’s hearing on the show.  She’ll go somewhere with fewer public displays of affection, like the Playboy Mansion.

Eliza–One of Survivor’s legendary talkers will be forced to leave the show after contracting a chronic case of lockjaw.

Ami–She saw James and Parvati hook up, as well as Ozzy and Amanda and Mikey B and Mary.  Not knowing whether this was Survivor or Temptation Island, she left the game.

Jason–Learning that Ozzy planted the false immunity idol that he found, Jason becomes jealous and tries to do everything Ozzy has in this game.  When he tries to pick up Amanda, she beats him like she did that 5 foot shark.  The resulting injuries force Jason out of the game. 

James–After Ozzy shows him the immunity idol, he’ll have some bad flashbacks to Survivor: China and quit the show.

Parvati–Complaining that there aren’t enough cute guys for her to flirt with, she’ll pack up her stuff and head to Club Med.

Stay tuned later this week for a recap of this week’s action.  Don’t forget-it’s on Wednesday this week!  May the tribe speak clearly to you!

Survivor Micronesia Power Rankings–The Circle of Life. March 25, 2008

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Last week we saw Erik bond with Ozzy.  There they were, Ozzy teaching Erik how to climb trees and collect coconuts.  All the while you could see Erik’s man crush on Ozzy grow even larger than before.  You could see a father/son type relationship developing between the two of them.  Cirie called it a Lion King sort of friendship between the two of them.  Unfortunately for Erik, some animals eat their young.  Being Malakal’s last “fan” won’t have him singing Hakuna Matata for the rest of his days.  If Malakal goes to tribal council again, Ozzy may end Erik’s circle of life. 

  1. Ozzy-If there was any doubt about who is controlling Malakal at this point, it was answered last week.  Cirie and Amanda had a chance to blindside Ozzy and didn’t. 
  2. Amanda-She keeps talking about stabbing Ozzy in the back.  She also talked a lot about stabbing Todd in the back on Survivor: China and we know how that worked out.  Until she actually does something, it’s all just words.
  3. Cirie-She’s “the one who got off the couch”.  I think she’s on her way to the kitchen to grab a knife so she can stab Ozzy in the back after the merge.
  4. James-That little wave from Parvati to Amanda after last week’s immunity challenge is a sign the love alliance is alive and well.  He’s also on Airai, which means he never has to go to tribal council.
  5. Parvati-She’s in the alliance, but she’s the least trusted of them all.  If the others band together to break up this alliance, Parvati may be the one to go.
  6. Jason-His tribe has the numbers, but there are fewer fans than favourites.  I think that will doom him in the end.
  7. Eliza-It’s the same story with Eliza-she’s in the right tribe, but her reputation precedes her.  Can she find enough people to trust her?                                       
  8. Alexis-She’s staying quiet, but she better not be for long.  If the love alliance is still intact after the merge she could be one of the first ones to go.
  9. Natalie-Are Alexis and Natalie the same person?  Every week Alexis and Natalie are in the same boat. 
  10. Ami-She’s in Malakal, which means she’ll have to go to tribal council again this week.  If Erik doesn’t go, she will.

Tune in later in the week for a preview and recap of this week’s action.  Don’t forget-it’s on Wednesday this week.  May the tribe speak clearly to you!

Big Brother 9 preview–Yabba Dabba Do! March 25, 2008

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The following preview, sung to the theme of The Flintstones, is done in tribute to co-creator Joseph Barbera, who would have been 97 today. 

.

.

.

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Brother!  It’s Big Brother!

They dysfunction as a family.

Adam’s Head of Household–

Barney Rubble’s who’s he’s like to me.

Nat said he’d be dumber than a rock

if he put old Sheila on the block.

When you’re Head of Household,

It’s a “who you gonna screw time”.

It’s about you time.

You’ll have a gay old time!

. 

This week on Big Brother

James and Chelsia are nominees.

Karma’s hit them hard now,

and their only hope is POV.

Josh may keep old Sheila worried sick,

and we say hello to Evel Dick!

Thursday on this blog site,

it’s a Big Brother review time.

I hope you’ll make time

to read my humble blog!

.

Jason & Chelsia:  AAAAADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Brother 9 Power Rankings–March 23-29 March 23, 2008

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Do you get the same feeling that I do, that James is about to learn a painful lesson in Karma?  Last week James was the Head of Household and vowed to punish those who lied to him and stabbed him in the back.  He not only lied himself but chose to evict Matt over Ryan, the guy who stabbed him in the back the week before.  Now that Adam is Head of Household, will James reap what he sows or continue spreading his fertilizer all over the place?

How about Adam beating Chelsia in the Head of Household competition!  What a relief that was.  Can you imagine if Chelsia was Head of Household right after James?  That would be scary-kind of like a woman becoming President of the United States shortly after her husband held the same position.  Anyway, on with the power rankings:

  1. Sharon-People have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you talk.  Sharon understands this.  She’s very bright, isn’t afraid to play the game and hasn’t betrayed anyone. 
  2. Joshuah-As long as he keeps that alliance with Ryan a secret, I think he’ll be fine.  He’s keeping his mouth shut for the most part right now, and you know he’ll stab Ryan in the back if it comes down to that.
  3. Adam-The Head of Household gets a promotion in the rankings this week.  If he plays his cards right he can make some friends and get rid of a serious enemy in James.
  4. Sheila-For all of their problems early on, her relationship with Adam seems to have become amicable.  If she could keep a secret or win a challenge once in awhile she’d be a major player.  Then again, she may be one already.
  5. Natalie-I don’t know if she’ll win, but I can’t see her being put up for eviction in the near future.  She’s not really seen as a threat and she’s just so darn likeable.
  6. Ryan-Yeah, he escaped eviction last week, but Matt brought up a great point about him betraying just about everyone in the house.  His credibility has taken a major beating.
  7. Chelsia-She’s this low due to her association with James.  Her relationship with him, which helped keep her safe last week, could hurt her this week. 
  8. James-He’s shown his true colours now, and I’m not talking about his Mohawk.  He’s vindictive and can’t be trusted by anyone except maybe Chelsia.  I’d be shocked if he wasn’t on the block this week.

Tune in again later in the week for a preview of this week’s action, after Sunday’s show!  Enjoy!

The Bachelor preview–What are the odds? March 23, 2008

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The battle for Matt’s wallet heart has been narrowed to 15 lovely ladies.  Like most young men who are trying to get to know a woman better, Matt will take his harem out for an intimate date.  He’ll take them somewhere free of mayhem, distractions and temptations.  Somewhere he can peer into the eyes of the ladies and see if they truly are windows to their souls.  A quiet place where he can see if the ladies love him, or just his money.  It will be a nice, conservative date where the women will be comfortable truly being themselves.  Having them perform in a fashion show in Las Vegas?  Matt, you’re a genius!  In the spirit of Sin City, here is what I figure are the odds of the following happening on Monday’s show:                 

The odds that:

Someone will profess to be in love with Matt after a very unrealistic 7 day courtship in front of a national TV audience, in which they’ve shared him with 24 other women: 2 to 1

Someone will get drunk and make a fool out of themselves on national TV: 3-1

Someone will cry to the cameras after stumbling on the runway during the fashion show: 5-1

Matt will kiss more than one bachelorette: 5-2

The bachelorette he kisses will be more than a little drunk: 15-1

The bachelorette he kisses will be a really flirty one with whom he has nothing in common: 8-1

Someone will give the “he’s an idiot if he doesn’t realize I’m all that and a bag of chips” speech after not getting a rose: 4-1

Someone will actually “reject this rose”: 2,000-1

One or more jealous women will have some really catty words for the women who are clearly winning his heart: 3-1

Matt will give another “the rose ceremony is the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do” speech: 10-1

The over/under for:

The number of women who shamelessly throw themselves at him: 8

The number of dirty looks the women will give out during the episode: 35

The number of women who will try to win him over by seductively dancing for him: 6

Who will get a rose?  Who will go home?  Who will embarrass themselves in Sin City?  One thing is sure-in this case, whatever happens in Vegas will not stay in Vegas!  Tune in again on Tuesday for a recap of this week’s show!  Enjoy!

Celebrity Apprentice recap–Good vs. Evil March 23, 2008

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In last week’s power rankings I predicted that Piers and Carol would be in the final two.  I don’t say this terribly often, but I’m glad I was proven wrong. 

This week’s show picked up where the last one left off, namely with the final four facing Trump in the boardroom with that deer in the headlights look in their eyes.  It turns out that Jim Cramer from Money Talks and Erin Burnett (any relation to Mark?) from MSNBC would be interviewing the four of them.  After the interview, 2 would be fired and the others will move on to the final task.

The interviewers revealed to Trump what America already knew-Piers gets the job done but doesn’t play well with others.  Trace and Carol are just wonderful.  Lennox is an intelligent guy but a little too laid back for this environment.  Jim and Erin tell Trump that if it was up to them, Carol and Trace would be in the final two.  Trump felt otherwise, and went for ratings ahead of merit.  He fired Lennox and Carol, and it’s now down to Piers and Trace.

Carol has a case for being in the final two, but quite frankly I don’t care.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again-a good show needs a good villain.  Just look at this year’s Super Bowl.  The “evil” New England Patriots lost to the “good” New York Giants.  Even my wife had some interest in the game, which is like me having interest in an Oprah marathon.  Would that have been the highest rated Super Bowl ever had the San Diego Chargers played instead of the “evil” Patriots?  I think not.  Trump is a businessman, and knows that Piers=ratings.   

We hadn’t heard the last from Lennox and Carol, however.  Those two, along with Marilu and Stephen, returned to help Piers and Trace with their final task.  Trace won the toss and picked first, taking….Lennox?  Okay, he has star power, but what about the woman he narrowly beat to get into the final two?  Piers is up next and takes….Stephen?  Those two get along like Trump and Rosie, and Carol is still there.  Trace is up again and he takes…Marilu?  She’s talented, and gets along with Trace, but I’m still surprised that the woman who perhaps should be in the final two was the last one picked.    

The rest of the show concentrated on the two teams running their task, which was to host a huge charity auction.  They would be judged on three parts-money raised through tickets and the auction, entertainment and the décor.  Trace assumed that Piers would win the money department (a wise move, given that scene with Piers talking with Sarah Ferguson-is there a famous Brit he doesn’t know?) and he would concentrate on beating him on entertainment and décor. 

The show is “to be continued”, but I do have to mention one scene in which Lennox became a favourite of every man who has ever gone shopping with his wife.  He and Marilu went out to finalize the décor.  While Marilu fussed and agonized over every detail, Lennox would just yell “DONE!” once the decision was made to get Marilu to move on with the other 2 million things they had to do that day.  I LOVED that segment, but I’m afraid to try it on my wife, as I’m not the ex-heavyweight champion of the world.  I’d be kissing the floor at Macy’s inside of 10 seconds. 

So sadly we’re down to the final show.  Will good triumph over evil?  Will the city boy beat the country cowboy?  Tune in later in the week for the last preview and my (probably incorrect) prediction on who will become The Celebrity Apprentice!  Enjoy!