Reality TV

Are there enough words in the English language to describe last night’s episode?  Let’s start with the task itself.  It was a rout.  A beating.  A cakewalk, clobbering, comedown, debacle, disaster, drubbing, shellacking, vanquishment…..well, you get the idea.  It was bad.  It was Harlem Globetrotters vs. Washington Generals bad.  Omarosa made General Custer look like Alexander the Great.

The teams meet in Trump’s apartment.  Or was it the lobby at Caesar’s Palace?   How do you describe it?  Overdone, schmaltzy, superficial, contrived, artsy, shallow….  Anyway, he told them about the task, which was to sell art at a gallery.  Omarosa decided to be the project manager for Empresario, which wasn’t a bad decision considering Trace and Stephen knew nothing about art and she had done this task on The Apprentice before.  Okay, she got fired after the task, but I thought maybe she learned from the first time.  Piers, not surprisingly, took the reins for Hydra.  He has the rich contacts, he has the art knowledge and he had a desire to get Omarosa fired.  Just like Rambo, this time it was personal.

As soon as we heard that the artwork was priced from $2,000 to over $20,000, It was clear that Hydra was all over this task, thanks to their secret weapon–Piers’ list of wealthy contacts.  How big is this list?  It’s abundant, ample, big , hefty, large, significant, sizeable.  Watching Piers working the phones I thought for a second that this was unfair, that Empresario didn’t even have a fighting chance to win.  They were like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.  Then I remembered that Omarosa was the project manager of the other team, and suddenly I was okay with it again.

The art gallery itself might as well have been Little Big Horn.  If Piers’ rich contacts buying out his higher priced works didn’t seal the deal, then Stephen flirting with two girls while Carol stole his contact and sold him a painting definitely did.  Not even Trace, as smart and charming as he is, could make this a contest.  For the second time on this series, Piers orchestrated the biggest rout in the history of the show. 

Empresario only raised $7,000 on the night, about the same as your average Stephen Baldwin movie.  That’s compared to almost $200,000 for Hydra.  The only question in the boardroom wasn’t whether Omarosa would be fired, but rather would Stephen go with her.  You see, of the $7,000 they did raise, Stephen brought in zero.  Nought.  Goose egg.  Nothing.  Nil.  Zip.  Nada.  A Baldwin piano could have sold more. 

Omarosa brought up another question during her execution in the boardroom.  Is Piers gay?  In a moment that, let’s admit it, you’ll remember for a long time he responded by charging into the boardroom, calling Trace a “beautiful cowboy” and kissing him on the cheek.  Hilarious.  Riotous.  Funny.  Amusing.  Droll.  Witty.  Side-splitting.  Trace’s very uncomfortable reaction to it made it that much better.  I guess the whole kissing a cowboy thing was a little too Brokeback Mountain for him. 

Then, in a move good for Piers’ sanity but bad for the ratings, Omarosa finally got the boot.  Joy, exaltation, bliss, rapture, rejoicing, revelry….words truly can’t describe America’s feelings at that moment.  Stephen lives to fight another day, which is good–Trump needs someone to battle with Piers for the sake of his ratings.  Sure enough, he wasted no time in promoting that battle.  Omarosa’s boardroom seat wasn’t even cold before NBC ran the “Stephen vs. Piers” ad for next week’s episode.

Stay tuned next week for another set of power rankings and previews!  I hope you didn’t find this blog boring, uninteresting, monotonous, unexciting, vapid, insipid, uninspiring, humdrum……