Reality TV

Hello, I’m Osten Taylor from Survivor: Pearl Islands.  I was the first victim of a condition known as Ostenoperosis, an embarrassing sickness that usually leads to people quitting reality TV shows before they’re properly eliminated.  Watching Survivor last night, I watched Kathy follow my lead and become this disease’s latest victim.  It’s sad, because Ostenoperosis can be beaten simply by recognizing the symptoms.

The premature “I miss my family” speech:  This speech is a Survivor staple, but it usually comes after the merge.  Longing for home and family too soon, as Kathy did, is your first sign of trouble.  By the way, Kathy, the reason you can’t “feel your family” is because they’re 10,000 miles away.

Constant crying:  She cried like Matt on Big Brother when Jonathan, a man she’s known for 3 days, left the game due to injury.  Living in a cave while enduring the constant Biblical calibre rainfall just kept the waterworks flowing.  This is when a tribal intervention becomes necessary.

Sappy piano music:  It’s common for contestants to complain during the course of the show.  When the producers put that slow, sad, sappy piano music in the background, Ostenoperosis has taken full effect.   

Jeff shows up at your camp:  Probst showing up on the beach to talk to an Ostenoperosis victim is like Dr. Kevorkian showing up in the hospital room of a terminally ill patient.  It’s pretty much over at this point.  Despite Jeff’s best efforts, Kathy left the game and became Ostenoperosis’ latest victim. 

So you’re out on the island playing Survivor and you see someone display some or all of these symptoms.  What do you do? 

Win challenges:  Not even being on Airai, the tribe that has’t been to tribal council yet, could help poor Kathy.  True, they did lose the reward challenge, but staged a stirring come-from-behind victory in the all-important immunity challenge.  Kathy’s case notwithstanding, Ostenoperosis sufferers are usually found on a chronically losing tribe. 

Build a decent camp:  I said in an earlier post that Airai was camp Simpsons compared to Malakal’s camp Flanders.  Building a decent shelter, having lots of food and a good supply of water is a good way to combat Ostenoperosis.   

Get on a tribe with Ozzy:  Being on a tribe with Ozzy can erase a lot of symptoms for this illness.  Yes, Malakal lost the immunity challenge (again!), but Ozzy was the only reason it was even close.  He is the reason the tribe eats so well and has a well-running camp.  All of this, and he was very friendly while taking a shower with Amanda and Ami during their reward.        

Make some friends:  Looking at Airai I would think that James would be the most likely to quit, being on a tribe with 5 women.  Reaching out to Kathy and making friends with her would have helped her immensely.  Kathy was never disliked, but she didn’t exactly have any real friends there either. 

Although Tracy was eliminated from Survivor last night she can hold her head up high, knowing that at the very least she went down fighting.  She tried to get Malakal to see the truth-that Ozzy is running this game and will win if they don’t get him out while they still can.  Sure, she got voted out by a 5-1 margin, but she didn’t quit.  Sadly, Kathy can’t say the same thing. 

I’m Osten Taylor, and I’m on a mission to end the spread of Ostenoperosis.  I won’t stop until I’ve defeated this terrible illness.  Or until it gets too hard, then I’ll just quit.