Reality TV

We’ve heard a lot about Matt’s attraction to American women and their accents.  If he was as attracted to American movies, these hometown dates would not be happening on Monday.  If Matt loved American movies as much as he does American women, he would have seen Meet the Parents. 

If you haven’t seen it, it’s a very funny movie about a guy meeting the family of the girl he hopes to marry.  The father has trust issues and spends the next 2 hours making sure that the guy is worthy of his daughter’s hand in marriage.  Hilarity ensues, including an unforgettable scene where the father makes him take a lie detector test to prove his character.  If Matt had seen what Robert DeNiro put Ben Stiller through, he would be on the first plane bound for London.  Fortunately for us, he’ll be meeting the parents. 

This makes me wonder–if Matt did take a lie detector test, what would be the scariest thing each father could ask him?  The answer lies in this weeks power rankings.

1.  Shayne–The physical attraction between the two of them is undeniable.  The biggest hope the other girls have at this point is that Lorenzo Lamas may just scare the crap out of him.  

On the lie detector–Hey, Matt!  I’ve have all my films and TV appearances on DVD.  Wanna watch ‘em?

2.  Amanda–The person who gets the first impression rose on The Bachelor has a good chance to go to the end.  She has more substance than Shayne, but not quite the same sizzle.  In this game, sizzle usually wins.

On the lie detector–So Matt, before you and Amanda get married and have children, you do realize those meeps of hers run in the family, don’t you?   

3.  Chelsea–I think her comment last week about not liking public displays of affection may hurt her chances.  If she can be a little more–how shall I say this–adventurous physicaly she will be a real threat to the top two girls, but until she does she’s a slight underdog.

On the lie detector–Do you realize, Matt, that if you break our little girl’s heart she can and will kick your ass?

4.  Noelle–She opened up on her one-on-one date last week and earned her spot in the final four, but I get that “I’m the last person left from my doomed alliance still on Survivor” vibe from her. 

On the lie detector–On camera you tell America that Noelle is a definite contender.  Level with me, Matt…is she just wasting her time here?

Stay tuned later in the week for a recap of this week’s action.  In the meantime, make sure you stop and smell the roses!

 

Boy, is there ever a lot of ground to cover from Monday’s episode of The Bachelor!  There were two individual dates, one group date, a rose ceremony where the final four would be decided and….(wait for it)….the most shocking fight is The Bachelor history!!!. 

Matt and the girls went to Sun Valley, Idaho for a “winter wonderland” themed show.  Chelesa got the first individual date, which was a romantic sleigh ride through the valley.  The most interesting thing about this date was…. 

                 Hi, there!  Can I steal you away from these people for a minute?

                 Robin?  What are you doing in my blog?

                 I just want to have some one-on-one time with you.    

                 I’m in the middle of a recap here!  These people want to          know what happened on the show last week.  I can’t just leave them-that would be rude!  You’ll just have to wait your turn! 

Sorry about that, folks.  As I was saying, the interesting thing was learning that Chelsea has very uncomfortable with public displays of affection.  She wouldn’t even let Matt hold her hand during the carriage ride!  After seeing a very athletic, aggressive, confident Chelsea throughout the series, this revelation really surprised me.  It’s sort of like hearing that Steve Irwin was afraid of cats.  As the date went on, Chelsea knew that Matt was a little concerned.  Proving she can be romantic, she “created” her own invitation to an overnight room and invited Matt to join her.  Nobody ever accused Matt of being stupid.  He said yes, and the cameras focused on them making out yet again while they faded to commercial.  Stay tuned, though, for the most shocking fight in The Bachelor history!!!. 

Individual date number two could have been re-named Noelle’s Last Chance.  A one-on-one date was just what the doctor ordered for Noelle, who knew going in that she had to “step up her game” for her to have a chance.  Matt and Noelle stumbled and bumbled while they were ice skating, but the date itself looked to go very smoothly.  Noelle took Matt’s advice from earlier in the week and opened herself up a bit, and as a result…. 

          As a result you’re spending all your time with your readers instead of little old me!

          Robin, have you heard that expression about guests and fish starting to smell in three days?

          Well, duh!  Do I look like Ashlee??

          Why don’t you have a seat over there and think about that while I go on here. 

Sorry, folks.  Where was I?  Oh, yes!  As a result of Noelle opening up more to Matt, she’s gone from pretender to contender.  That one on one date clinched her spot in the final four.  Stick with me, folks…we’re getting closer to the most shocking fight in The Bachelor history!!!. 

The group date was a ski trip for Marshana, Shayne, Amanda and Robin.  The shocking aspects of this date were seeing Shayne pull more makeup out of her ski jacket than Estee Lauder, Amanda not meeping even once despite never skiing before and….. 

                    Aren’t you finished with this yet?  I would really like to steal you              away for some one-on-one time.

                    I know the reader is probably asking the same question, Robin, but you can’t keep interrupting me like this!  No wonder you didn’t get a rose Monday night! 

What was that other shocking aspect?  Oh, yeah….Robin interrupted Shayne’s one on one time with Matt.  Okay, that’s less than shocking.  What else was less than shocking?  Well, Marshana could not ski and was more concerned with looking good in her outfit and Matt had another make-out session on the slopes with Shayne.  

Okay…you’ve waited through lots of my drivel to get to this point….the most shocking fight in The Bachelor history!!!.  It turns out that Chelsea said that Marshana is as negative at 5 minus 7, which is pretty much right.  Marshana yelled at Chelsea and told her to walk away.  Chelsea did.  Marshana followed her and yelled at her for a minute or two, saying she was not negative.  The end.  That’s the most shocking fight in The Bachelor’s history?  That’s what ABC has been promoting for the last week?  Talk about a let-down!  Who’s the most beautiful woman in the world?  Janet Reno?  Who’s the best actor in the history of film?  Freddie Prinze Jr? From now on, ABC, cut down on the hyperbole. 

Going into the show, the only suspense for me had to do with the fourth rose.  I knew that barring something disastrous that Shayne, Amanda and Chelsea were shoo-ins.  Before the show started I thought Robin was the favourite for the fourth rose….. 

              Of course, I should have got a rose!  Matt likes me!  He really, really likes me!  I just need some more one on one time to convince him!

               All you need is to get out of this game and this thread, Robin.  Bon Soir! 

Noelle’s one on one date was enough to put her over the top.  She’s in the final four, while Robin and Marshana left empty handed.   

Next week should be interesting-Matt goes on four “hometown” dates to meet the families of his final four.  Tune in again later this week for another round of previews, power rankings and recaps.  In the meantime, make sure you stop and smell the roses!

Usually when the bachelor(ette) gives the “this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do” speech, I think they’re just trying to be nice.  Last night, however, I think it was true.  I mean, how would he tell Ashlee that she’s no longer in the competition?  He could tell her to hit the bricks, but she might punch the wall and break her hand.  If he says she’s toast, she may start spreading butter on herself (that might be the way to go, Matt!). 

If I’m exaggerating, it’s only slightly.  Ashlee, the girl who didn’t know what the phrase “fire away” meant in the first show, did not know the phrase “taking everything in stride” last night.  To help her increase her vocabulary, I’ve developed Ashlee’s Slang Dictionary.  

• Passed with flying colors.  This means you did very well on a test or a challenge, like Amanda did on her individual date with Matt.  The two of them had a ‘50s style date, including dressing the part, driving vintage cars, going to a ‘50s diner and then to an amusement park on the pier.  As usual, the stakes were high (that means if she doesn’t get a rose during the date, she’s eliminated).  It turns out Amanda had nothing to meep about.  She got her rose, and a make-out session (I think you know what that phrase means, Ashlee), before the date was half over.  Matt celebrated this very successful date by showing off both of his left feet on the diner’s dance floor before the two of them headed to the pier for yet another make-out session on the top of the ferris wheel. 
• Blow you away.  This means that someone’s decisions or actions were completely surprised you, kind of like Matt’s decision during the 2 on 1 date.  The stakes were high (remember that phrase, Ashlee?) for Marshanna and Holly, as one would get a rose and the other would go home.  Easy choice, right?  Robin had a fabulous 1 on 1 date with Matt, complete with a make-out session in a hot tub with him.  Marshanna has not had any time with him, and the chemistry didn’t seem to be there. During the date, Marshana got some 1 on 1 time sitting outside on a bench.  Holly got her 1 on 1 time lying on a bed with him.  I thought Holly would win.  The other girls thought she would win.  America thought she would win.  We were all wrong.  In the biggest upset since the Super Bowl, Marshanna got the rose while Holly was sent home.  I still don’t know if there’s any chemistry between him and Marshana.  On the other hand, after that date the only thing that I know is that I don’t know anything.          
• The gloves are off.  This means that 2 or more people have started fighting, kind of like the rest of the house against Robin.  The group date was a very British afternoon of tennis and tea.  Robin, after sharing her family’s tea obsession with everyone, again stole Matt away for more one on one time.  This made everyone else mad including Shayne, who said that she has to share Matt.  Sorry, Shayne.  This is The Bachelor, not kindergarten.  Robin is competitive, but that’s okay when you’re in…..a competition!!!  I don’t have a problem with her seeing what she wants and going for it.  All that 1 on 1 time didn’t seem to matter, though-Chelsea got the rose this week that she should have got last week after the rugby match.               
• Getting to the heart of the matter.  This means that you’re about to get serious about solving the problem at hand, kind of like Matt did just before the rose ceremony.  He took the girls aside one by one and asked them some tough questions about their relationships.  Ashlee, what more do you have to offer besides a pretty face and a nice singing voice?  Noelle, can you step her game up a notch (that means try harder to get Matt to notice her, Ashlee)?  Kelly, can you be more than just “the fun one” in the group?  Can you stay sober and not rip open your blouse during our conversation?  Shayne, can I have another make-out session?  Amanda, why are you meeping when you already have a rose?  As Matt left to get ready to the rose ceremony, the girls looked very guilty, like a group of kids who just got in trouble with their parents.               
• In the running / out of the running.  In the running means that you’re one of the 6 girls left in the game, like Chelsea, Amanda, Marshana, Shayne, Robin and Noelle.  Out of the running means that you’ve been eliminated from the game, like Holly, Kelly and you, Ashlee.  

Stay tuned next week for another round of previews, power rankings and reviews!  Until then, make sure you stop and smell the roses!

Two men enter.  One man leaves.  That tagline worked in a Mad Max movie, and it could be adopted for this week’s episode of The Bachelor.  The good news for Holly and Marshanna this week is that they get a 2 on 1 date with Matt, which is a lot better than the 2,00 on 1 dates they’ve been used to so far.  The bad news is that there is only one rose to be given out after the date, and the one who doesn’t get it goes home.  Who do I predict to come out of the date with a rose?  The answer is in this week’s power rankings. 

1. Robin-She’s hated by the other 8 girls and most of America, but Matt really likes her.  Bonus points for winning the rose last week on the group date.  Winning that among 9 other women is no mean feat, even if Robin is a mean person.
2. Shayne-Yeah, I know.  It’s obvious that Matt is physically attracted to her, so why is she #2?  She’s clearly not marriage material and I think Matt knows it.  She leads the league in sizzle, but she just doesn’t have enough steak.
3. Holly-She gets a lofty spot in the power rankings for two reasons.  First, her individual date with Matt last week went really well.  Second, on the 2-on-1 date for one rose, my money’s on Holly.
4. Amanda-She’s still a contender, and Matt does like her, but that first impression rose is now in the distant past.  There’s no need for her to start hiccupping yet, but I think girls 1-3 have passed her on the depth chart.  If she makes her 1 on 1 date this week count, look for her to move up a few spots next week.
5. Chelsea–This ranking is a little bit misleading.  I see an imaginary line between #5 and #6 on the list.  It could be because I’ve been trying to keep up with Kelly at the bar, but it could also be because that line separates the contenders from the pretenders.  Chelsea has a lot going for her, Matt has definitely noticed, and on a selfish note I like her.  The top 5 could be very different next week.
6. Ashlee-She had a solid first couple of weeks, and Matt admitted he’s attracted to her.  I think her less than enthusiastic attitude toward the rugby date rubbed him the wrong way, though.
7. Kelly-Matt’s attracted to her and clearly liked the massage she gave him last week, but the previews show she’s drinking too much again.  Is she too wild for Matt to take seriousy?
8. Noelle-Kelly may be a little to wild, but at least Matt has noticed her.  Noelle needs to step up her game and get noticed soon or she’ll be rose-less Monday night.
9. Marshanna-Last week I thought she was on the bubble, and this week she has that 2-on-1 “get a rose or go home” date against Holly.  I think she goes home.

Tune in later in the week for a recap of this week’s insanity, and to see just how wrong these power rankings are (I really should consult my wife before doing them!).  Enjoy!